When you should NOT buy sex toys as gifts

We’re fast approaching Valentine’s Day, one of the many holidays when my email inbox and Twitter feed fill up with ads and lists for sex toys to gift to your friends, partners, and other loved ones.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m usually against buying other people sex toys as a general rule. The number of ways such a gift could backfire—and oh so spectacularly too—seem like a pretty decent deterrent.

There are obvious exceptions, of course, such as if you know the person really well or they’ve expressed a desire for a particular toy.

Then there are some situations where, I would argue, you should never, ever purchase a sex toy as a gift. Here are some of those.

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My top ten ride-or-die sex toys

I have a lot of sex paraphernalia. Not as many, I admit, as a professional sex toy reviewer or some long-time sex workers, but my collection has shocked and/or awed more than a few who have seen it.

After writing a post last week about a toy I bought and didn’t end up liking, I started thinking about compiling a list of the ones I do like. So this week, I did.

These are the top ten favorites in my current collection (minus the ones you can’t buy anymore, of which there were more than expected), in no particular order.

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The Womanizer, and how it didn’t work for me

I had a brief stint in marketing, mostly as an editor but also as a copywriter. I was decent at the latter, I think, but even if I’d kept it up I never would have flourished. It requires a certain overconfidence, even arrogance, that I’m not comfortable faking—in part because I’m not comfortable on the other end of it either. In fact, I despise it.

I’m what my wife calls a brat (in the non-kink term). If I feel like I’m being persuaded too hard to do something, I’ll resist on principle. The easiest way to get me to avoid a piece of media is to tell me I have to watch/read/whatever it. If you actually sit me down and make me consume that media, I’m guaranteed to hate it.

Basically, marketing that consists of “You will love this thing” rhetoric does not appeal to me. Reviews that do the same appeal even less.

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“You’re into…what?”: How to handle a partner’s uncommon kink(s)

Let’s say you have a situation. Your sexual/romantic partner has opened up to you about their sexual interests—and it’s not what you expected. Maybe it’s a fetish* you’ve never heard of. Maybe it’s something that makes you uncomfortable. Maybe you just don’t know what to do with this new information.

Whatever your reaction is, you have to find some way to effectively, constructively communicate that to your partner. But how?

Well, I’ve got some experience on the other side of the equation, so let me give you a few tips based on what my previous partners’ have done and/or what I wished they would have.

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On the appeal of monster fucking

One of the books I’m determined to finish in 2019 is about monsters, so I’m thinking a lot about them lately.

I love monsters—in both the “general interest” sense of the word love and the more perverted one. I always have, beginning with the tentacle hentai I discovered online as a teenager. That attraction has grown over the years as my sexuality has flourished and darkened, and stuff like the sudden flood of Venom erotic art and stories after the movie’s 2018 release has only increased my interest.

Not only do I love monsters, but I love that monster fucker (along with robot fucker and alien fucker) has become a term that people are proud to call themselves.

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How I’m getting my sex drive back

Ever since the hellish job that drove me to freelancing and sex work two and a half years ago, my sex drive has been as flat, dead, and dull as a sheet of paper.

I started making improvements last year, coming out of my depression and relearning my worth, but putting one of my pets to sleep only days before a cross-country move (to a city I’ve come to dislike) iced all the progress I’d made.

This is a common theme in my life, attached as it is to the endless cycles of depression that have plagued me since I was a preteen. I never lose my interest in the general concept of sex and sexuality, but it’s like all the wires connecting that interest to my personal enjoyment get snipped and have to be repaired.

I’m still finishing up that repair work, so I figured I’d share some of my strategies in case others are going through a similar experience.

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